SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES
Issue #26 /2025
Forecast
Saturday, 08 March 2025
Beneath the flickering neon glow of Gutter Trash Alley, where the streets hum with secrets and danger lurks in the dimly lit corners, Pink Shock fired a grappling hook into the darkness above. Without a word, they grabbed hold of me, and in a sudden, stomach-lurching motion, we ascended toward the rooftops. The wind howled between the buildings, and from this vantage point, the world below seemed small, insignificant. It was here, high above the chaos, that we spoke.
Pink Shock has no known powers—no supernatural abilities to rely on. And yet, their presence pulsed with an electricity that crackled in the very air around them. It wasn’t just the suit, the mask, or the name—it was the undeniable force of nature that radiated from them, the storm that had taken the city’s underworld by surprise.
“The shadows have always called to me,” they said, their hand glowing pink and red as if channeling some unseen power. “From the very first night, when I saw the injustice rip through the streets of Gutter Trash Alley like a disease, I realized something—a man, standing alone, cannot fight the tide. But the Pink Shock… now that’s something different. It’s more than just a mask or a suit—it’s the embodiment of the chaos I’ve witnessed. The alley speaks to me in its own language, a language of whispers and screams, and my mission… well, it’s a symphony of silence. I became something greater than flesh and blood. I became the disruption in the darkness. A force of nature in the chaos of Gutter Trash Alley’s criminal web. The world may burn around me, but I will be the spark that ignites the change.”
A dramatic pause. Then, turning toward me with an intensity that made the hairs on my arms rise, they declared:
“I am… Pink Shock.”
Beyond Labels: The Reckoning
When asked if they saw themselves as a hero, a vigilante, or something else entirely, Pink Shock’s response was swift, sharp, and laced with certainty.
“Hero? No. Vigilante? Hardly. Those are labels, convenient, neat little boxes for the masses to put things into. But I am neither. I am the inevitable shadow that creeps upon the wicked, the reflection of the storm they fear. I am the truth, a truth they cannot escape, no matter how hard they run or how deep they hide. I am the reckoning. The reckoning they deserve and the reckoning they will never see coming. No title can truly capture what I am—just as no man can truly capture the tempest that churns beneath the surface. I am Justice. I am… Pink Shock.”
The Art of Knowing: Justice Through Shadows
Gutter Trash Alley is a breeding ground for corruption, and Pink Shock navigates it with an eerie precision, calling out criminals by name, unraveling their secrets, exposing their sins. How do they gather their information? How can they be sure they are right?
“Information is a weapon, a key to unlocking the labyrinth of lies. You think these criminals hide in the shadows, but the shadows… they speak. They whisper secrets to those who dare to listen. I don’t simply gather information—I absorb it. The smallest crumbs, the faintest tremor in the air—those are the signs, the echoes that lead me to the heart of the rot. I don’t need to be right. I don’t need to be certain. What matters is that they know I am. And that, my friend, is all the conviction I need. Certainty is for those who seek comfort. I seek justice.”
The Endgame: Awakening the Alley
For Pink Shock, the mission isn’t about cleaning up the city—it’s about shaking it to its core.
“A city… Gutter Trash Alley… it’s a broken thing, an endless sea of sins, drowning in its own filth.” A pause. Then, a smirk. “Tee hee. The Pink Shock isn’t about fixing Gutter Trash Alley. It’s about awakening it—shaking it from its slumber, forcing it to face its own reflection. My mission is simple: to keep the predators at bay while the lambs slowly rise. And when will it be done? When every soul in this alley has felt it. When every last ounce of corruption trembles beneath the weight of their actions. When the alley, once drenched in poison, becomes something new—and only then will I step away, knowing my work is finished. But until that day comes, the shock remains…”
Silence stretched between us for a moment, thick with the weight of their words. And just when I thought another cryptic “Tee hee” was about to escape their lips, Pink Shock sneezed instead, a brief, entirely human moment that shattered the intensity before the mask of mystery slipped back into place.
No Room for Hesitation
Mistakes. Regrets. Second thoughts. When I broached the topic, Pink Shock’s voice carried the same resolute energy they had from the start.
“Mistakes? What is a mistake but a crack in the mask of perfection? And yet… perfection is a cruel god, ever elusive, always taunting. Have I stumbled? Perhaps. But second thoughts… no. I am the storm, and storms do not pause to reconsider. The world does not stop for doubt, nor should I. Every decision I make is calculated, every move I take is deliberate. It is the ones who hesitate, who falter in their convictions… they are the ones who truly fall. I am not here for hesitation. I am here for justice.”
Before I could ask another question, Pink Shock pointed at something behind me. Instinctively, I turned—only to find nothing. And when I looked back, they were gone.
All that remained was the faintest echo of a whisper drifting through the night.
“Tee hee.”
Stay tuned for Part 2 of this exclusive interview, where we dive deeper into the legend of Pink Shock, their origins, and what the future holds for Gutter Trash Alley.
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