GUTTER GAZZETTE

SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES

Issue #13 /2024

Forecast

Hot and Windy

Sunday, 30 December 2024

Policewoman Promoted

We at the Gazette wish to extend congratulations to Jamie Azalea of the Gutter Trash Police on her promotion to Lieutenant.

Recent rumors that this promotion was due in part to an affair she was having with Captain Michael Zero were denied by both her and the captain. The person who began this rumor could not be reached though the department stated that he was dismissed from the force for not coming to work.

We wish Lt. Azalea and the whole department the best as they defend us from the city’s less cultured denizens.

Lil Vickson

Beach Barbi Mishap

On Friday, December 27th, there was a fire at the beach near the fire station. Damage occurred to plant life, a vehicle as well as a couch before our brave firefighters got the fire under control. FD personnel reported that the fire began with a barbecue party, which continued after the fire was put out. No information yet on the cost of the damages. Fire dancing was observed with one participant saying, “We will be known for best party in GTA, Dude.”