SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES
Issue #4 /2024
Forecast
Raging Tempest, DrizzlingMonday, 5 February 2024

Dear citizens of Gutter Trash Alley
As your newly elected Mayor, I want to start my year in office by thanking all who voted for me, and of course those who actively supported my election campaign. I also thank my opponent, Rene Westminster, for such a fair and honourable campaign and I sincerely hope we can find a place for his talents in our city government. After any election, whoever wins or loses, it’s important to stress that we are one city, and we are better when we work together. While nobody – not even a Tarot reader! – can predict exactly what the coming year will bring, I hope we can all face any challenges as a united community. I feel very honoured that you have chosen me to serve as your Mayor, and I promise I will do my very best for you all.
Love and thanks
Mayor Rhapsody Wolf-Ireton

In a distressing turn of events, our cherished local hotspot, The Bakery, has become the backdrop for violence, witnessing two separate shooting incidents. The initial incident transpired in the early hours of the evening, a sudden eruption of gunfire across the crowded dance floor. Witnesses describe a palpable sense of panic and confusion as patrons sought refuge amid the pulsating beats and flickering strobe lights.
The night took a darker turn a few days later as the unsettling sound of gunshots echoed once again, further tarnishing the lively space. Unfortunately, among those harmed was the very owner of the club.
Law enforcement responded promptly to both incidents, launching investigations into the motives behind these distressing events. As our community grapples with the aftermath, The Bakery’s management issued a statement expressing profound regret for the incidents. They underscored their unwavering commitment to the safety and well-being of patrons, assuring the community that comprehensive security reviews are in progress to forestall similar incidents in the future.
While some suspects have been banned from the club premises, the evidence appears scant, sparking dissenting voices in the community, asserting the fairness of the decisions.
Despite the wounds inflicted by these events, one resolute truth prevails – the rhythmic pulse of parties at The Bakery will persist, an indomitable spirit refusing to be silenced by violence!
Three-Story Drug Den: Whispers of a clandestine three-story drug facility build tension in our city. Concerns heighten as speculation grows, urging a vigilant eye from law enforcement and a wary community.
Graffiti Wizard Conspiracy: There’s talk of an underground graffiti artist who possesses mystical powers. Word has it, every tag brings forth a burst of magic, creating street art that holds secrets only the initiated can decipher.
Occult Open Mic: A hidden venue hosts an open mic night for occult practitioners, where witches and warlocks share their supernatural talents, casting spells through spoken word and mystical performances.
Terror Unleashed: A wave of terror reverberates across the region as reports suggest a terrorist group orchestrating random bombings in a number of cities. Public institutions and gathering spots find themselves in the crosshairs of this faceless menace. As law enforcement agencies scramble to respond with mixed success, citizens are left on edge, grappling with the somber reality.
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Hello,
I am Annabelle Cox and it is my priviledge to be the representative of Trailer Park residents.
My job is to make Trailer Park better, improve your life, help you and our community
Send me an email or contact me in Gutter Trash Alley.
I am always happy to hear from my neightbours.
Trailer Park Represent
Hey there,
This is Uncle Lust, Downtown Representative. I’m the man to come to if you’re a resident in downtown area and i’ll make sure your voice is heard. Talk to me, tell me your problems and i’ll do my best to make them go away.
Send me an email or contact me in Gutter Trash Alley.
I am always happy to hear from my neightbours.
Downtown Representative
Hello,
My name is Cristyna, and if you live in Gutter Trash Alley Uptown area, then I will do my best to make sure your voice is heard, your needs are met, and your life in Uptown is great
Do you have questions, do you have issues, or you just want to say “Hi”?
Send me an email or contact me in Gutter Trash Alley.
I am always happy to hear from my neightbours.
Uptown Representative