GUTTER GAZZETTE

Miracle Drug or Madness in a Bottle? 🍸💋

Dearest readers, after months of relentless investigation, midnight stakeouts, and whispered tips from behind hospital curtains, we can finally confirm what you’ve all been waiting for… The city’s biggest “problem” is officially solved! 😏

Deep inside a dark, secret lab at GTA Hospital, a brilliant (and slightly unhinged) doctor has done the impossible — he’s mixed up a scientific cocktail of passion that promises men a long-lasting, rock-solid… performance. 💪

The mysterious medic, who insists on remaining anonymous, proudly told Gutter Gazette:

“We created a new drug that combines Cialis and Viagra — Viagra kicks in fast, and Cialis keeps working for hours. So, yeah… men can stay harder for longer.”

Now, being a true man of science, the doctor of desire decided to test his creation personally. The results? Let’s just say he rose to the occasion — and didn’t come down for six hours straight!

“I ended up in the ER with priapism,” he admitted with a laugh. “But hey, the pills are meant for older men, so maybe I overdid it.” 😅

Despite the “little” stiff side effects, the drug’s popularity is soaring among Gutter’s elite. But the pleasure doesn’t come cheap — as our anonymous genius explained:

“The consultation costs about the same as a two-hour session with a professional companion. You decide which is the better deal.”

And indeed, as our exclusive photos show, eager patients have been lining up at GTA Hospital to snag their golden ticket to … pleasure. (Just don’t stare too hard at the blonde lady in the queue — she’d rather stay anonymous, and it was for a friend… thank you very much!) 💄

But such a miracle inevitably raises some questions.. Is there a connection between this fabulous new drug and the complete renovation of the hospital? And why, exactly, is our good doctor suddenly pushing to build a small asylum?
he said us he looking for hire someone to advocate for the building of a small asylum.
“We’ll need somewhere to commit people under the Mental Health Act,” he joked nervously. “If not, I guess a police cell will do…”

is there a link with the strange disappearances of our “fish” doctor who disappears every night when midnight strikes from the Gutter bell tower? 🕛 Coincidence ?

One thing’s for sure: this miracle cure has the whole city talking — and, according to our sources, it’s already sold out. But don’t lose hope, dear readers! Word on the street says that The Grass Hopper Bar managed to grab the last remaining stock… and they might just be serving it to their regulars and hospital patients — for a “small contribution,” of course. 🍸😉

So, gentlemen — ready for your next six-hour adventure?
Just remember: what goes up… must eventually come down.