SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES
Issue #73 /2025
Forecast
Saturday, 18 October 2025
Police Silent on Possible Gang Ties
A chaotic shootout between a black male suspect and the Gutter Trash Alley Police Department broke out late last night, sending residents ducking for cover as bullets tore through the narrow streets. The gunfire reportedly began on Escobar Street, continuing down Kabukicho Street and Camorra Street, before shooter disappeared into the shadows of the city.
Residents described the chaos as “pure panic,” with people running for cover as bullets ricocheted off the narrow brick walls of the alleyways. While no civilian casualties were reported, the incident left behind shattered glass, shell casings, and a lot of unanswered questions.
I met with Chief of Police Ivy, who shed some light on what may have sparked the confrontation.
“Apparently Bobbi escaped the hospital, pretty beat up and with a gunshot wound,” Chief Ivy explained, her gaze following the direction the suspect had fled. “I’m guessing the guy might be the one that put her in that condition. He came to us and wanted Bobbi to go with him.”
When asked if she knew the man’s identity, Ivy replied cautiously.
“Then I noticed him holding a gun,” she said. “I told him to put it away before he gets hurt. He actually agreed and quickly left the scene—before opening fire from the corner.”
According to Ivy, both Bobbi and several others at the scene referred to the man as ‘Face’—a name that’s been whispered around Gutter Trash Alley before, often linked to local gang activity and underground dealings.
I pressed the Chief on whether this “Face” character was connected to any known gangs in the city. Her response was careful and measured.
“I cannot comment on that,” she said, visibly uncomfortable. “Though he did call Bobbi a gangster, and considering Bobbi wouldn’t talk to me about him or who put her in the hospital…”
That pause said more than her words.
Chief Ivy, who recently confirmed she’s taken over as the Chief of Police following a quiet departmental restructuring, declined to comment further, citing an ongoing investigation.
Still, something doesn’t add up. As the violence continues to escalate across Gutter Trash Alley—often between familiar names and faces—the official narrative seems to sidestep any mention of gangs. Whether by oversight or deliberate silence, the question remains: Is the GTAPD downplaying a growing gang war in our streets?
Until more answers surface, residents are left with the sound of distant sirens and the uneasy knowledge that somewhere out there, “Face” is still armed, dangerous, and at large.
The Gutter Gazette will continue to follow this story as it unfolds.
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Uncle’s Secret Romance Finally Revealed! 💋
After months of investigation, secret interviews, and late-night stakeouts, we can finally confirm what everyone’s been whispering about… Uncle is in love! ❤️
We searched everywhere — chasing clues, following trails, and sipping way too many bad coffees — all in the name of truth. And oh, was it worth it!
Anonymous sources within the police department spilled the beans: our dear Uncle has a soft spot for morning coffees before his garbage runs. That’s when he often bumps into donut-hunting officers eager to share juicy stories. And this time, one of them let slip something huge.
During an intense chess match (which, by the way, our tall, blond, first name start with T, officer insider totally lost), the truth came out — Uncle is not only in love… he’s planning to start a family! That’s right, folks: baby Uncles might soon be crawling all over Trailer Park! 👶
Here at Gutter Gazette, we’ve been tracking Uncle’s every move for weeks — okay, months — to bring you exclusive photos of his real-life mating dance. And who’s the lucky partner, you ask? None other than the Vice Mayor of our beloved city! 🏙️
The happy couple has been spotted cruising around town, smiling, glowing, and totally smitten — riding in a police-issued vehicle, no less (talk about perks!).
We can’t wait to welcome them back to Gutter and celebrate the start of their growing family. With Uncle’s many nieces around, we’re sure there’ll be plenty of love — and a bit of chaos — to go around.
Stay tuned, dear readers, because this love story is just getting started… 💞
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Hello,
I am Annabelle Cox and it is my priviledge to be the representative of Trailer Park residents.
My job is to make Trailer Park better, improve your life, help you and our community
Send me an email or contact me in Gutter Trash Alley.
I am always happy to hear from my neightbours.
Trailer Park Represent
Hey there,
This is Uncle Lust, Downtown Representative. I’m the man to come to if you’re a resident in downtown area and i’ll make sure your voice is heard. Talk to me, tell me your problems and i’ll do my best to make them go away.
Send me an email or contact me in Gutter Trash Alley.
I am always happy to hear from my neightbours.
Downtown Representative
Hello,
My name is Cristyna, and if you live in Gutter Trash Alley Uptown area, then I will do my best to make sure your voice is heard, your needs are met, and your life in Uptown is great
Do you have questions, do you have issues, or you just want to say “Hi”?
Send me an email or contact me in Gutter Trash Alley.
I am always happy to hear from my neightbours.
Uptown Representative