GUTTER GAZZETTE
SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES
Issue #57 /2025
Forecast
Saturday, 7 June 2025
Triple Blazes Rock City
Officials Confirm Explosives Used in Coordinated Attacks
A wave of destruction swept across the city late Wednesday night as three separate fires, now confirmed to have been caused by explosive devices, ignited nearly simultaneously in what authorities are calling “deliberate acts of arson.”
The first explosion occurred at Darling Trinkets, a locally loved antique and oddity shop located on Escobar Street in Gutter Trash Alley. The store, owned by longtime resident David Darling, was quickly engulfed in flames, prompting a rapid response from the Gutter Trash Alley Fire Department (GTAFD). Firefighters were able to contain the blaze before it spread to adjacent buildings.
Darling, who has been missing for several months and was reportedly behind on rent, has become a figure of speculation. Some questioned whether the fire might have been an attempt to collect insurance money—but officials have now confirmed the presence of C4 explosive residue at the scene, ruling out accidental or intentional fire for insurance gain.
Almost concurrently, a second explosion rocked Little Tokyo, near the district’s southern entrance, igniting another structure in flames. Moments later, a third blast echoed through Mercy Square, causing damage to nearby park infrastructure and shattering windows in several storefronts.
Investigators have confirmed that all three fires were caused by explosive devices containing military-grade C4. While no suspects have been named, law enforcement notes that the devices were of similar construction and style, suggesting a single individual or coordinated group may be responsible. However, officials emphasize that no concrete link between the three sites has been established beyond the explosives’ similarity.
In the wake of the coordinated attacks, residents have begun referring to the unknown perpetrator as “The Bombardier,” a nickname that has spread quickly through social media and street corners alike.
“These aren’t just fires—someone planned this,” said one Escobar Street shop owner. “It’s like something out of a warzone. People are scared.”
Authorities urge the public to remain vigilant and report any suspicious activity. The Gutter Gazette will continue to monitor this story as the investigation unfolds.
Nox Blackhart Jayde
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Beloved Town Squirrel "Peanut" Missing
Protest Erupts in Mercy Park
Gutter Trash Alley, June 1 — Concern turned to chaos in Mercy Park Sunday morning after parkgoers noticed the town’s beloved squirrel, Peanut, had gone missing. Peanut, a familiar sight among locals for his playful antics and friendly nature, was last seen earlier this week, though his absence was only widely noticed today.
Word of Peanut’s disappearance spread quickly, prompting dozens of concerned residents to gather in Mercy Park. What began as a peaceful protest demanding action soon escalated. Protesters called on local authorities to launch an immediate search effort. However, tensions rose when police responded, with some demonstrators accusing officers of indifference and negligence.
According to Gutter Trash Alley Police, attempts were made to locate Peanut, but officers were “met with hostility,” leading them to abandon the search for safety reasons. Protesters, in turn, claimed officers threatened mass arrests, intensifying the conflict.
The situation further spiraled when a physical altercation broke out between two protesters. Witnesses report that during the scuffle, a firearm was discharged, striking a firefighter and another protester who were nearby. Emergency responders quickly intervened, and both injured individuals were transported to Mercy Hospital. Authorities have confirmed that all involved are expected to recover.
As of Sunday evening, Peanut remains missing. Gutter Trash Alley officials are urging calm and encouraging anyone with information to come forward.
Meanwhile, the town is left searching — not just for a squirrel, but for a sense of peace in Mercy Park once more.
Nox Blackhart Jayde
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WHITE TERROR STRIKES GUTTER TRASH ALLEY:
LOCAL MEN SLAY AXE-WIELDING MONSTER IN FRONT OF PUB
May 30th, Gutter Trash Alley, 10:00 AM SLT
Panic erupted this morning in Gutter Trash Alley as a terrifying creature now being called the White Terror launched a brutal attack on Luciano Street, directly in front of the local pub. The monster left chaos and injury in its wake before being killed by two brave residents.
Eyewitnesses described the White Terror as an unnatural, wolf-like figure. “It looked like a dog on steroids,” said local resident Nayne. “White thing… large teeth, very muscular, tall, and very fast. A horny looking one, at that.”
Armed with an axe and seemingly without reason, the White Terror charged through the street, causing fear and confusion. But two citizens stood their ground: Kayne and Dutch Van Der Linde.
Kayne, quickly hailed as a hero, recounted the terrifying encounter. “Yeah, I noticed the monster running around attacking people with an axe, going wild, and come up to me wanting my ‘man ass’,” he said, chuckling. “I was spectating for a while, getting to know its movements and patterns before I got out of my truck and started to attack when I saw citizens were being hurt. It come to attack me fiercely, running at me with the axe. I couldn’t watch any longer. I had to help.”
Kayne said the White Terror “seemed to run away from me most of the time,” but eventually, he was able to kill it with his rifle.
Dutch Van Der Linde, who also took part in the defense, described the creature as “a big creature with a wolf aspect, armed with an axe.” When asked about its appearance, he said, “Its color? Uhm… rather grey.” Dutch didn’t hold back in his assessment, calling it “aggressive, savage.”
The attack occurred just outside what Dutch called “our pub,” which he stated is “a legit LTD business.” Dutch also expressed shock at the creature’s resilience, saying, “After I downed it, the wolf recovered fast. He ran here and there on the street like an alien.”
When asked about where the beast might have come from, Dutch replied, “Ma’am, regarding the animal, it was there from nowhere, just like that. I never saw such a creature in our town.”
Though several residents were injured, no fatalities have been reported. Authorities are investigating the attack and the origins of the White Terror, but for now, the streets are safe thanks to the fearless actions of Kayne and Dutch.
The people of Gutter Trash Alley remain shaken, but grateful that in the face of something monstrous, their own stood tall.
Nox Blackhart Jayde
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