GUTTER GAZZETTE
SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES
Issue #67 /2025
Forecast
Tuesday, 24 September 2025
New Hero or Villain in Gutter Trash Alley?
Gutter Trash Alley has always been a magnet for strange happenings, but the latest sighting raises more questions than it answers. From my apartment on Escobar Street, I personally witnessed what can only be described as a spider-like figure — a woman, or at least someone presenting as female — clad in a tight black-and-white suit, accented with flashes of pink around her face and hood.
The mysterious figure dangled from a strand of webbing that seemed to materialize from nowhere. She offered no dramatic speech, no heroic declaration. Instead, she gave a simple, disarming greeting: “Hi.”
And then, in a moment that could hardly be mistaken as friendly, she unleashed a barrage of sticky webbing on myself and my partner, Ondina. The sudden attack left us shaken, and no clearer on whether this “Spider Girl” (or woman) is here to save the day or make it worse.
Attempts to contact the police for clarity yielded no comment at the time of writing. With official channels silent, we’re left in the dark as to whether we should welcome this figure as a protector of the alley or brace ourselves against a new threat lurking above our streets.
For now, my recommendation is simple: stay vigilant. Whether hero or villain, this newcomer has already made it clear she’s watching — and so should we.
Nox Stormfury Jayde
Staff Writer, Gutter Gazette
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Gunfire on Siwa Rd Sparks Rumors of New Gang in Gutter Trash Alley
Last night, Gutter Trash Alley was once again shaken awake, this time by the sound of gunfire. A group had gathered on Siwa Road when shots rang out, scattering people into the shadows. No one was reported injured, but the noise left behind a heavier silence than usual.
Whispers on the street claim the assailants were overheard talking about “moving around the city using the sewer system.” If true, it suggests something more organized than a simple turf dispute, perhaps the birth of a new gang slithering under our very feet.
Police have confirmed the shots but were quick to say they aren’t tracking any fresh gang activity in the area. A spokesperson assured, “We urge residents to remain vigilant. At this time, there is no evidence of a new gang forming.”
The Mayor’s Office echoed the official stance, insisting that measures are in place to keep Gutter Trash Alley safe. “Citizens should know that law enforcement and city officials are working tirelessly to protect this community,” the statement read.
Yet here in the Alley, reassurances are thin armor against the creeping sense that something is stirring beneath the streets. Whether last night’s chaos was just a flash of random violence or the first signal of a new criminal force remains to be seen.
One thing is certain: the people of Gutter Trash Alley are watching, and waiting.
Nox Stormfury Jayde
Staff Writer, Gutter Gazette
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