GUTTER GAZZETTE
SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES
Issue #66 /2025
Forecast
Tuesday, 02.09.2025
Windows Shattered at Valentino’s Lounge in Politically Charged Attack
Gutter Trash Alley — Chaos erupted late Friday night when Valentino’s Lounge, a well-known neighborhood bar, became the target of a violent drive-by shooting.
Authorities say the suspect, identified as 27-year-old Kaya, opened fire from a moving vehicle, riddling the front of the bar with bullets and shattering nearly every window. Miraculously, no patrons or staff inside were injured during the attack.
Investigators reported that Kaya abandoned the vehicle shortly after the incident. Police later recovered the car and matched fingerprints left on it directly to her. Following a swift investigation, Kaya was arrested and taken into custody.
Prosecutors alleged the act was politically motivated, though the exact reasoning behind Kaya’s actions remains under investigation. Witnesses claim Kaya had previously voiced strong opinions against Valentino’s Lounge, accusing it of being a “symbol” of corruption in the community.
During her trial, Kaya was found guilty on multiple charges, including reckless endangerment, unlawful discharge of a firearm, and property destruction. Sentencing is expected to take place later this month.
The owner of Valentino’s Lounge, Von Valentino, expressed outrage but also relief that no lives were lost. “Windows can be replaced, people can’t. We’re shaken, but the Lounge will stay open. This was an attack not just on my bar, but on the whole community,” Valentino said.
Locals gathered outside the bar the following day, helping board up the broken windows and vowing to stand by their neighborhood hangout.
Nox Stormfury Jayde
Gutter Gazette,
Staff Writer
Commercials
Arson Attack on Fire Department Still Unsolved, Police Seek Public’s Help
Gutter Trash Alley — Police are continuing to investigate a firebomb attack on the Gutter Trash Alley Fire Department, which occurred on the night of May 23, the second day of voting polls during the recent election.
According to Lieutenant Michael Zero of the GTA Police Department, investigators believe Molotov cocktails were thrown at the front of the station. Fortunately, the fire was quickly contained and no injuries were reported. “The remains of what looked like glass were found at the scene,” Lt. Zero confirmed in an interview.
The attack came just one day before the shooting at Valentino’s Lounge, raising concerns about possible connections between the two violent incidents. When asked, Lt. Zero stated, “From what I believe, they were targeting the mayor before the votes could be counted to have her in office.”
Investigators also recovered evidence suggesting forced entry through the firehouse’s upper floor via the fire escape. Most notably, a threatening note was found inside. The letter read: “Are your sure to be able to become Mayor? We watch you….” A bottle with what appeared to be a label from the Grasshopper, a local establishment, was also recovered from the scene.
For now, police have no confirmed suspects. “On who left the letter, no,” Lt. Zero said, adding that the case remains open.
Authorities are urging anyone with information about the firebombing to come forward. Community members with knowledge of the attack are asked to contact the GTA Police Department immediately.
Nox Stormfury Jayde
Gutter Gazette,
Staff Writer
Commercials
