GUTTER GAZZETTE

Tosh Fitzcarraldo isn’t your typical politician—and that’s exactly why he’s running for Mayor of Gutter Trash Alley. A straight-talking, no-nonsense community advocate with a heart for the people and boots-on-the-ground determination, Tosh is stepping into the race with a bold promise: to unite the city’s fractured corners and rebuild it from the inside out.

Building a Community for All

Tosh believes that every citizen should have a voice—whether they’re sipping martinis uptown or sharing cold ones in a trailer park. He’s determined to bring an end to the days of a single power calling all the shots behind closed doors. While some decisions may fall strictly under mayoral jurisdiction, Tosh advocates for a more democratic approach where the community has a real say in the matters that affect them.

“There’s no reason why it should be like it was,” he says. “We’re all in this city together. Let’s act like it.”

Justice Without the Wild West
On crime and public safety, Tosh takes a firm but balanced stance. He isn’t here to villainize the police, nor to turn a blind eye to misconduct. Instead, he plans to work with the police department—retraining where needed, and enforcing clear, non-negotiable ground rules to prevent unnecessary escalation.

“We need to stop every interaction from turning into a shootout. This city ain’t the old west—we’re not trying to reenact a Clint Eastwood movie.”

Bridging the Economic Divide
Tosh acknowledges the deep economic gaps that run through Gutter Trash Alley—between the glitter of downtown, the comfort of uptown, and the grit of the trailer park. But he’s not daunted. In fact, he’s ready to roll up his sleeves.

“It’s gonna take a lot of work and some fine tuning, but I ain’t afraid to get my hands dirty. We can bridge that divide—I know it.”

Fair Development, Zero Corruption
When it comes to property development and zoning, Tosh is crystal clear: no favorites, no under-the-table deals. He’s committed to rooting out corruption and holding every member of his administration to a strict ethical standard. For him, rebuilding the city means rebuilding trust.

“I don’t play favorites. If you’re corrupt or crooked, you’re out—and maybe behind bars.”

More than just cleaning house, Tosh is focused on lifting the city up. He’s passionate about drawing in new businesses to create real jobs so residents don’t have to resort to drug dealing or prostitution just to survive.

Prepared for Anything
From riots to hurricanes to health emergencies, Tosh has a plan. He’s calling for the hiring of a new Fire Chief to restore the city’s fire department, and he’s making public health a top priority by investing in medical personnel and healthcare services.

“This city’s been running on fumes for too long. Our people need help—and I’m gonna make damn sure they get it.”

Why Tosh?
Tosh Fitzcarraldo may not wear a suit every day. He may not have a polished speechwriter or a fancy campaign bus. But what he does have is heart, grit, and a deep love for Gutter Trash Alley. He’s ready to fight for every resident—from the penthouse to the parking lot—and bring the city back to life, one honest step at a time.

Vote Tosh. For the people. For the alley. For a future worth building.