GUTTER GAZZETTE
SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES
Issue #18 /2025
Forecast
Wednesday, 19th February
Shocking Revelation: Member of Gutter Trash Ally Fire Department Had Previous Conviction for Rape
In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the community, it has come to light that an active member of the Gutter Trash Ally Fire Department holds a previous conviction for rape. The discovery was made during an ongoing inquiry into the backgrounds of all firefighters employed by the department.
The individual, whose identity is being withheld due to pending legal matters, was convicted of the heinous crime over six years ago but continued to work as a firefighter after serving their sentence. The revelation has sparked outrage among Gutter Trash Ally residents and prompted an immediate internal investigation by the department’s higher-ups.
Mayor Dee, in a heated press conference, condemned the individual’s past actions and assured citizens that appropriate measures were being taken to rectify the situation. The mayor stated, “Shit happens!.” and then showed everyone her tits as a sign of protest.
The Gutter Trash Ally Fire Department has since placed the individual on administrative leave pending the outcome of their internal investigation. In a statement released to the public, the department expressed their deep regret
for not discovering this information during the hiring process and vowed to conduct thorough background checks on all future applicants
Gillian J Lovens (gillianjsmith)
Robbery Attempt on Marie's Watering Hole Foiled by Luciano Street Mafia
Marie Whiskers Praises Mafia Protection, Criticizes Police Department
In a recent turn of events in Gutter Trash Ally, an attempted robbery at the beloved establishment, Marie’s Watering Hole, was successfully foiled by the timely intervention of the Luciano Street Mafia. This incident has sparked a debate over the efficiency and reliability of mafia protection services versus the local police department.
The would-be robbers targeted Marie’s Watering Hole, one of Gutter Trash Ally’s most popular hangouts owned by the ever-resilient Marie Whiskers. However, their plans were quickly thwarted by the Luciano Street Mafia, who managed to apprehend the culprits and prevent any harm from befalling the establishment or its patrons.
Following this incident, Marie Whiskers expressed her gratitude for the Luciano Street Mafia’s protection services in an exclusive interview with the Gutter Trash Ally Gazette. She said, “I feel safe knowing that the Luciano Street Mafia has my back. They were quick to react when trouble came knocking at Marie’s Watering Hole.”
Marie also took the opportunity to compare the performance of the mafia group to the Gutter Trash Ally Police Department, stating her belief that the Luciano Street Mafia provides better protection than the local police. This statement has led to a heated debate among residents, with some siding with Marie’s opinion and others defending their chosen law enforcement agency.
The outcome of this incident has raised questions about the role of mafia groups and the police department in maintaining safety within Gutter Trash Ally. As the debate rages on, one thing remains clear: both the Luciano Street Mafia and the police department must prove their worth to the community in order to maintain public trust and confidence.
In a statement to the Gazette, Mayor Dee acknowledged the importance of ensuring the safety of Gutter Trash Ally’s residents and expressed her commitment to reviewing the local police department. The mayor’s statement reads: “It is our duty to provide a safe environment for all citizens. This smells like an inside job to be honest. We will enforce PD more” and showed her tits to everyone as a sign of protest.
Gillian J Lovens (gillianjsmith)
Commercials
