GUTTER GAZZETTE

SHITTY NEWS FOR SHITTY TIMES

Issue #10 /2053

Forecast

Silver Linings

Tuesday, 21 January 2025

911 call box

The Gutter Trash Alley (GTA) Fire Department (FD) has proposed installing new 911 call boxes on every street in the city. Dee, the Mayor of Gutter Trash Ally, enthusiastically supported the proposal by Aletta Spicy, the GTA’s FD Lieutenant.

“We are very excited about this proposal,” said Aletta Spicy. “The new system will give the 911 dispatcher the name of the person and their location, allowing us to come faster.”
When asked about the system, Spicy explained that the new system would give the fire department, police, and ambulance a faster, more accurate response. “This will be a tremendous benefit to the people of Gutter Trash Alley,” she added.

Reporter Gillian J Lovens had the opportunity to speak with Aletta Spicy about the details of the proposed system.
“With the new 911 call boxes, when an emergency is reported, the dispatcher will be able to see the caller’s name and their location on a map,” explained Spicy. “This will allow us to respond more quickly and efficiently.”

Dee, the Mayor of Gutter Trash Ally, expressed her full support for the proposal. “We are always looking for ways to improve our emergency response times in the city, and this new system would certainly help us achieve that goal,” she said.

The City Council have voted on the installation of these new call boxes and approved the funding. The Gutter Trash Alley Fire Department hopes to have the new system up and running by the end of the week.

Stay tuned for more updates on this story as it develops.

Gillian J Lovens

Madame Wu: The Heart Behind Kim's Corner

Nestled in the vibrant heart of our community lies a place that needs no introduction—Kim’s Corner. With its glowing reputation, it is not merely a business but a cultural hub that has woven itself into the fabric of the town. At the helm of this local phenomenon is the enigmatic and ever-charismatic Madame Wu, who graciously sat down with me to share her journey, philosophy, and the vision behind her success.

When asked about the secret to her thriving enterprise, Madame Wu attributed her success to fostering a familial environment. “I think the family environment is what makes me successful,” she explained. “It’s always important to me that people who work for me enjoy doing it.” This ethos radiates throughout Kim’s Corner, making it a haven for employees and patrons alike.

Despite the acclaim, the path to success wasn’t without challenges. “A business like I run is always on the edge of legality,” Madame Wu admitted with characteristic candor. She credited much of her navigation through murky waters to her trusted friend and advisor, Nick O’Sullivan. “There are loopholes in every law that you can use to your advantage, and that’s what I have my lawyer for,” she added with a knowing smile.

Madame Wu is no stranger to criticism, particularly regarding the unconventional nature of her business. Yet, she remains steadfast, responding with confidence and wit. “Envy is also a form of success,” she remarked. “When I have goals, I pursue them hard until I achieve them. Misunderstandings will be cleared up—you just have to ask.”

The most misunderstood aspect of Madame Wu’s persona is her unassuming appearance. “Few people trust a little girl like me to have so much energy,” she confessed. “But underestimating me is their mistake—and my advantage.”

When asked about her legacy, Madame Wu spoke with heartfelt sincerity. “I want to leave behind a thought that conveys more humanity. No matter who you are or what others say to you, I welcome you with open arms. As long as you behave sincerely, you are always welcome.” Her philosophy of inclusivity and respect shines as a beacon in our community.

Before we concluded, I posed one final question: What message would you like to leave for our readers? With a poised yet powerful response, she offered a single word: respect. “You expect everyone to respect your life, so respect other people’s chosen path in life.”

Madame Wu’s Kim’s Corner is more than just a business—it is a testament to perseverance, authenticity, and the power of community. Whether you come for entertainment, camaraderie, or simply to see what all the buzz is about, one thing is certain: Madame Wu welcomes you with open arms.

Nox Blackhart (queennox)

Commercials

Busty Burger Bar Reopens with Los Muertos Protection

Iconic Second Life City Gutter Trash Ally Eatery Confidently Welcomes New Era Under Gang-Owned Territory

After a tumultuous couple of weeks of forced closures and uncertainty, the beloved Busty Burger Bar in Gutter Trash Ally is reopening its doors to eager customers with the assurance of protection from Los Muertos, the notorious gang that controls the surrounding territory. Owner Marie Whiskers expressed her confidence in the gang’s ability to provide superior security compared to the local police department, allowing her to focus on other aspects of the business.

In a recent exclusive interview with this reporter, Ms. Whiskers expressed her excitement and optimism about Busty Burger Bar’s new chapter under Los Muertos’ protection. “I am welcoming Los Muertos into our territory,” she stated firmly. I expect them to be better than the police department. Working together with Los Muertos will allow me to focus on other aspects of my business and provide an even better experience for my customers.

Busty Burger Bar has been a Second Life City Gutter Trash Ally institution since its opening in 2013, attracting patrons from all walks of life with its mouth-watering burgers and lively atmosphere. The sudden closure last week due to escalating gang violence and police crackdowns left many fearing the iconic eatery would not reopen.

Now, under the protective umbrella of Los Muertos, Busty Burger Bar can confidently resume its role as a staple of Gutter Trash Ally’s vibrant culinary scene. Asked about the potential risks of partnering with a notorious gang, Ms. Whiskers was unwavering in her trust in Los Muertos. “I have faith that they will keep our territory safe,” she said. “Their reputation for protection and control over this area is well-known, and I believe working together will only benefit both Busty Burger Bar and the community as a whole.”

Residents of Gutter Trash Ally are eager to welcome back their beloved burger joint, with many expressing relief that it has found a stable footing under Los Muertos’ protection. As one local resident put it, “Busty Burger Bar has always been a beacon of hope in this neighbourhood. We can’t wait to have it back and know that our favourite hangout is in good hands.”

As Busty Burger Bar prepares for its grand reopening, the Gutter Trash Ally Gazette will continue to monitor developments and provide updates on this exciting new chapter in the life of this beloved Second Life City institution. Stay tuned to our pages for more news and stories from your neighbourhood.